Is there a better time to do a blog post than 4 days before a grant is due? I didn't think so. On to the topic at hand...
To this day I still get a kick out of white people and white/steamed rice. I get a kick out of that Uncle Ben's crap they seem to enjoy. I really get a kick out of how weird they look at you when you say you use the "finger method" to cook rice. And I really really get a kick out of how they stare at you when you eat a bowl of rice with chopsticks.
Uncle Ben's...that's funny just because that is perhaps the nastiest crap to ever be packaged in a box. I'm all for processed, pre-packaged foods but this is just simply vomit in a box. It's funny to me how white people enjoy it.
"The Finger Method." Mention this to any Asian and they know what you're talking about. Mention this to (most) white people and they look at you like you're violating (in a not so good way) the rice they are about to eat. White people are used to Uncle Ben's so they are used to 1 cup of rice + 1 cup of water. Asians? First off, there are two types: those who prefer Calrose or those who prefer jasmine (I prefer jasmine). We buy rice in bulk...as in a 10-25 lb bag. We wash the rice and wash it an odd number of times (for good luck). Unwashed rice is probably just as disgusting as Uncle Ben's...so wash it! We don't want those pesky nutrients nastifying our rice. We also use I rice cooker. White people tell me you can use a pot on the stove. Huh? We throw a bunch of rice in the pot without measuring. Common white person comment: "well, now you don't know how much water to use." This is where the finger method comes into play. You simply place the tip of your index finger on top of the rice and fill with water to the first knuckle. Yes, some people have shorter or longer fingers but yes the method works. White people always seem to be amazed.
My favorite has to be the way white people look at you when you eat a bowl of rice with chopsticks. The way to do this is to lift the bowl to your mouth and use your chopsticks to shovel the rice into your mouth. Chew. Enjoy. Repeat. White people make it seem like you're a no manner having rude bastard when you do this. Well, tell me, how else do you eat rice with chopsticks? Grain by grain? C'mon.
White people, when it comes to rice you are funny and amuse me. And for that, I thank you.
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3 comments:
Hey fingerer! It is one cup of rice to two cups of water... gee wiz, asians!
What would you say if I told you that rice causes cancer and that's why I don't eat it?...
...exactly.
I've actually never made Uncle Ben's so I was going by instinct on the 1 cup rice 1 cup water ratio. I stand corrected and thank you for the insight. Now I know.
I wouldn't be surprised to learn rice causes cancer. I wouldn't be surprised if research finds that WASHING the rice (and all the nutrients away) is what causes rice to be cancerous. In that case, I guess it's natural population control. We're screwed.
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